Chapter-4
Many a times I have seen parents getting annoyed with there children due to there turbulent and deviant behavior. And this is not very uncommon with most of the parents. Every one in his/her life sets aside some expectations, which is a mere human nature. In this mighty process of setting expectation, parents do set some expectations for there children too. They want to see there child within boundary of such limits [expectations]. The very moment these limits are crossed, parents are bound to become annoyed and distressed.
Apart from expectations in studies, sports, competition; parents always want there children to follow there commands. This is again an obvious fact, as they [parents] want there children to be obedient and sincere. Which in-turn will boost there [parents] image in the society, as they will be called “good parents”.
In the midst of all these, we forget a simple human factor called independence. Base of humanity and our strife in life, is to subsist for independence. I bet if you can name a single person on this madcap planet, who has unchosen to be independent. If we all want to be independent in life, then why can’t our children be? They do have every right to become independent. Once we force our children to obey our commands and orders, there independence goes for a toss and they are bound to become distressed. This outburst makes children loose there mind and become aggressive, which in-turn conspires them for deviant and turbulent behavior.
“If we are kind to our life, it [our life] may bless us with happiness; contrary, if we are evil to our life, it may demolish us indeed.”
I know a boy, barely 5 years of age, known for his obedient and sincere nature, who was found breaking all the shackles of his goodness. I observed that child for two continuous days. The first day, he entered his aunt’s room and walked straight towards the dressing table. Picked up face cream and talcum powder, and applied it all over the bed sheet and mirror. Doing this he hid somewhere, as he knew what he has done was wrong. When I found him hiding, he started crying (keeping his mysterious activities in veil). No doubt he got scolded and beaten up [by his parents] for all his doings. On the second consecutive day, being Sunday evening, most of us in the house were taking a nap. It was supposed to be the best time for that boy, to my surprise he used this time judiciously. He took all the bottles of cold drink kept inside refrigerator and spilled them every where in the house. Again he was scolded and beaten up very badly.
Known to be a very good child, what was wrong with him? He has never executed such notorious activities in the past. Then what made him to do so? Was something going inside his mind? Did his friends taught him to do so? I was trying to figure out the possible reason. Not able to see him under such a tense situation, I took him to another room; talked with him, made him very comfortable. Making him in a receptive state of mind, I talked with him like a friend to figure out the cause of those [disreputable] activities. I was happy that I figured that out very soon. The reason he was behaving in an uncommon manner was that, he was feeling lonely, as none of his friends was around. Moreover, there are no children in his house of his age, with whom he can play. All these times he had been amusing himself alone.
Again in the above case, the child was expected to play and amuse himself all alone. This was the root cause of the problem. It is always desirable to think in terms of a child, to make him/her live up to our expectations; as the expectations set at this stage will be in concurrence with the [thoughts of] child.
Make the children independent and let them think and take there decisions, instead of enforcing them. Otherwise, tomorrow they may carry out a revolt against us. When we say our children, not to do a certain thing, most of the times they end up doing so. Isn’t that? The best way to teach a child is not through commands/orders, instead set a stage for him and put him in that situation, let him think; and them refine his thoughts.
For example, if we want our children to stay away from strangers while playing in the park, don’t command them directly. Set the stage first, create a story, tell them if they are taking a ride in the park and suddenly a stranger comes and tries to talk with them, offers them sweets; should they take sweets from them? If incase stranger asks them about there personal details, should they disclose them?
Let the child think and give an answer to you, and thereon try to refine his answer and make him aware of the facts which you wanted to tell them. Performing this exercise will not only make him/her receptive to your thoughts but also they will relate them [your thoughts] to there understanding. No doubt you are again making your children to follow what you what them to, but in a fashion which is most receptive to them.
The crux of whole story is that; don’t get annoyed if your child is behaving in an abnormal fashion. Don’t ever try and beat them up. Indeed figure out the root cause and try to resolve it. Make your children independent and let them take there decisions. They are our future and they are going to represent us and our country tomorrow.
